Dear Mama… From a Blogger Mama’s Heart
A while ago I saw a post circulating on one of the motherhood FB groups. The post was from a tired mom who asked bloggers/influencer moms in particular how they keep everything so “perfect”. She asked them to share some tips and tricks, and my heart sank right there and then. The comments on that post basically tore bloggers and influencers apart and slammed us as being “fake” and/or being rich, spoiled housewives who have nannies and housekeepers that do all of our daily tasks for us. That, however, is not the case…ESPECIALLY not in SA. This is when I realized that there are so many misconceptions about blogging (and motherhood), and although I have seen many fellow bloggers write about this in the past, I felt the need to speak up. Not just for bloggers, but for mommies in general. Almost all of the bloggers that I know have at the very least a part time job, and the very few who has been lucky enough to make blogging/content creating their full-time job STILL work their butts off! As a mom, I do understand where the original post stemmed from, we’ve all been in that dark place where we compared our lives to the glitz and the glamorous lives on social media and it doesn’t take long for us to feel like we fall short and are failing our families. BUT we are NOT, so Mama listen up!
Dear Mama,
I know you are tired! I am too! Motherhood is a crazy rollercoaster ride with constant ups and downs that gives you the thrill ride of a lifetime! You see the photos I take are mostly of our ups, it’s not that I don’t want to post the downs, I try to… but honestly when we hit the downhills, I feel overwhelmed, tired and hopeless, just like you… I am just trying to keep it all together and that often doesn’t include a camera, smiles or selfies. I get so wrapped up in that moment that I often don’t even think about social media or pulling out a camera to capture my tear stained face. Instead, I withdraw for a while to regain my strength, and if you really watch me and I mean really watch, you’d see that there are times where I become still or less active online, and that’s because it drains me too! I am still human, and although I respect the bloggers who can post through it all, I should not be expected to, WE should not be expected to! Because I too have a right to some sense of privacy and respect, and I could never expect you to post you at your absolute worst on public Facebook for the whole world to see. Instead, I try to keep my platform positive, and light and although I might not post the broken me for all to see, I will write my story like a beautiful novel with a pretty photo as a cover, all you need to do is listen and read, because my feed is just like a book. If you just scroll by it looking for the pretty pictures, or read the summary on the back, you will most surely miss our story.
Dear Mama,
I know you work hard! A mom’s job never truly ends, does it? It’s early mornings and late nights, with little to no time for ourselves. I get it, because I do it too! I work, come home, clean, cook and feed my boy all by myself. I try to spend as much time with him as I possibly can before getting him ready for bed. But, you see, my work only starts now, because while he sleeps, I take out my laptop and hours of writing and research begins, often until the early hours of the morning. When he sleeps and the night is quiet, my overactive mind becomes still and I can finally focus on my writing. I know I have to give it my all. I have a 2nd job, except it’s not really a job! It’s not easy, but it’s my passion and I love doing it. I don’t get paid a salary, and it definitely does not put the bread on my table, but it’s my escape. Some like to read, some like to dance to their own music with a glass of wine in their hand, maybe you like to binge watch Netflix with a big bowl of popcorn… I LOVE TO WRITE AND CREATE.
Dear Mama,
I work full time to support my boy. I am a single mom. I know what it means to make sacrifices. I cannot afford to pay someone to cook and clean for me… Much like you I’m guessing. Instead I work myself to the brink, because although blogging is considered a lifestyle in your eyes, it’s a hobby and passion in reality. I’m not just a rich, spoiled blogger… I am a teacher and mommy by day and a blogger by night. I use weekends to clean, plan and shoot my content, because I know that just like you there’s no time during the week. But, I also use my weekends to clean, do laundry, and play with my boy. It’s all about finding the right balance and learning how to prioritize and plan effectively. Even then, it’s still chaos, busy and overwhelming, but it’s my life and I love it. I’m not looking for pity, on the contrary my blog is my second baby… It’s my pride and joy (after A off course) and I don’t mind the hours of work that I put into it. But, getting “free stuff” isn’t as beautiful and luxurious as you make it sound. It comes with a lot of expectations, hours and hours of work, and a lot of responsibility with little to no pay. Every project I take on I give my all, I want to help and I don’t want to disappoint. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “time is money” – Photographing, writing, research, editing, fine tuning, testing and reviewing all takes A LOT of time. One single blog post can take hours to write, not even taking into account the amount of time spent on editing and content creating. Then we also have bills to pay just to keep our hobby going, much like any other hobby/sport – We have web hosting, media kits, etc. So, no, I do not get FREE stuff and I am definitely not spoiled. I am a hard worker, with a love for writing who gets paid in products most of the time, to give you content that you could love and enjoy. I do the testing and reviewing so that you don’t have to use your hard earned money to do it yourself, and I introduce you to products that could make your life easier, which you might have never known about if it was not for bloggers or content creators, but if not that I hope that at the very least I give you a space where you can escape your reality, find comfort or advice or even just vent.
Dear Mama,
I know my life looks perfect through the screen of your phone… social media tends to make it look that way, but it’s not. I know the struggles of being a mom, just like you. The photos you see on my pages and feeds are the results of long hours of extra work, time spent shooting and re-shooting, editing, filters, planning and some more planning. Sure, I try to keep it real, honest and raw, but honestly, I also know what it feels like to know you don’t have enough hours in a day, so planning ahead is my only way. That perfect picture you see is one perfect shot out of hundreds, that video or reel took hours of shooting, editing, and searching for just the perfect song to make it stand out, and play with your heart strings. But, once again you need to look beyond that perfect shot, get to know me and take a seat on our rollercoaster and I promise you will see we are more alike than you could ever imagine, in the good, the bad and in-between ways.
Dear Mama,
I know you feel like everything is falling apart! I do too! My house is also messy, I also have loads of laundry that feels like the never-ending story and a kitchen sink that overflows with dishes and one glance at it sucks all the energy from my entire being. We often giggle at how fast we can clean a corner of the house in order to get a quick pic, but what you see is just that, a corner. You don’t see the bigger picture, because just like you, we don’t always have everything together. In fact I NEVER have it ALL together. I also deal with tantrums and attitudes. I shout, scream and cry. I make mistakes as a mother time and time again… I fall down, dust myself off and try again, I fight, I cry, I feel guilty, I wonder, I worry, I doubt. I AM NOT PERFECT. MY LIFE IS NOT PERFECT. What you see online is just a glimpse of my life, please don’t compare yourself to the picture-perfect photos on my feed. Behind that feed is a REAL MOTHER, with a very real life and very real emotions, and if I don’t portray that accurately, I hope this post does. I am also a little broken, a heck of a lot tired and stressed, overworked and overwhelmed. My feed is honest and true, BUT you need to take the time to actually READ, engage and listen. Follow our journey – then, and only then will you understand that you cannot judge this book by it’s cover of photos.
I am a mama just like you, and that’s what makes it so special. I often measure myself to a bar to high to reach. I often doubt in myself and wonder how I’m getting it all so wrong. I often wonder if I’m getting it right, because that’s what moms do, yes even us spoiled, blogger moms. But the beauty of it is that we can relate to each other, lean on one another, build friendships, create a tribe! I heard this beautiful quote one day “When we judge others, we leave no room to love them.” Let’s choose love over judgement – and I’m not only referring to others. Don’t be so hard on yourself, we are often our own worst enemy, but today I am here to tell you, you are doing an AWESOME job, you are AMAZING, YOU are an inspiration and you are a SUPER WOMAN – blogger mom or not!
If there’s one thing I ever influence, I hope it’s to influence YOU to know your WORTH!
Lots of Love,
A & Mommy
