To The Girl Who Never Wants Those "Things"...
I cant say that I understand, being a mom has been my biggest dream, in fact when I were asked what I wanted to be when I grow up in pre-primary I didn’t even think twice – “n mamma” was my answer and I were confident and proud about that, despite of all the laughter that were echoing through the school hall. My answer remained the same right throughout my life. I never second guessed or doubted it. I knew it was my calling.
Now that I am finally blessed with my very own rabbadoo, my answer still remains the same. Sure, life has made a 360, sure motherhood is not always fun and games. Motherhood is hard, motherhood is tiring, motherhood is stressful, but motherhood is so much more than just that, motherhood is also the greatest blessing and honor a woman could have.
I understand you saw that lady at the airport – looking exhausted and tired but let me tell you, we’ve all been there, and the truth is we will probably look and feel like that a dozen more times, because motherhood is unlike any other journey. There is a lot of ups and downs, children go through lots of phases and some of them are, well simply put, exhausting. You get the new born crying, feeding, pooping phase, then there’s the separation anxiety phase, the tantrum phase, the biting and slapping phase, the attitude phase (this one lasts about 16 years), the no-sleep, then co-sleep phase, and I can go on and on, BUT these phases last but for a moment and by no means sum up our entire motherhood journey. For every bad phase, there’s about 20 beautiful ones and those are the memories we cherish and keep safe – memories like the first smile, then giggle, their first steps and first words, all the cheeky sayings and endless kisses, cuddles and hugs. I promise you now – with all of our dark circles and messy mom buns, no matter how tired or exhausted we may be, if you ask any of us (yes, even the tired mom at the airport) why we chose motherhood, I guarantee you a smile will appear on that tired face and you will receive a million, beautiful reasons. Sure, we might not always like our kids, BUT we will ALWAYS love them unconditionally, we will always pray for them, hope for them, believe in them, encourage them but most of all cherish the days we have with them, because they are our biggest blessings.
See, dear girl (yes, in my eyes you are still a girl, even though you might only be a few years younger than me), I have never judged a woman’s decision on starting a family or not, its each individual’s personal choice and I do understand that everyone has different dreams, different aspirations, and different callings and that’s okay. I respect the woman who decide to focus on something other than starting a family, that’s a big choice to make, but let me tell you, those of us who do choose motherhood can tell you that these little blessings, our little miracles are a lot, but one thing they are not, are just “things”. See your dining room table, tv, car, money, bed, etc. those are just “things”, things that will eventually fade, rot, break, get stolen or lost, BUT a child formed and created by the hands of God Himself, tucked safely into a mother’s womb where he/she is cared for and loved for 9 months, and then born into this world, is a miracle itself. That person, with his/her own unique fingerprints, little personality, hidden talents and bright future is nothing less than a miracle. And let me tell you, that little person grows up to become an adult just like you, so welcome to reality “thing”, since you were once but a baby as well.
You said that it’s expected of women to marry, have children, and become a stay at home mom, but let me tell you that’s simply not true. Each one of those steps are a personal choice, and news flash – not ALL moms become stay-at-home moms, although I’m sure a lot of moms dream to have that opportunity. I know a lot of MOMS who are successful advocates, doctors, psychologists, business women, teachers and so much more, because guess what – there is a life after kids. Sure, our lives took a turn, but 100% for the best, because even after a long day at work, nothing beats coming home to someone waiting at the door with arms wide open and the biggest smile on their face, the giggle as you pick them up in your arms and swirl them around or the “mama you’re my hero, I love you”. Sure, our lives are about our kids, but that just happens when unconditional love steps into the picture, it’s not a punishment, it’s an honor.
These “things” as you may call them may be exhausting, but they also bring color into our boring, dull lives. It does not matter how exciting you may think your life is, I guarantee you its nowhere near as exciting as having kids. I mean where else could you jump over fiery lava, or go on a pirate adventure, stomp with the dinosaurs, or have a tea party with the fairies, all in your back yard. YOU have to pay to go on expensive adventures, but we get them for free, every single day.
My child also never stole my dreams, in fact he pushes me every day to achieve my dreams, to make them work, because now it’s not just about me anymore, its about us. My child has shown me there is more to life and he has even helped me see what my true dreams and aspirations really are. My dreams have never been stolen or gotten lost, although they might have changed a bit, because now my dreams include an extra little person – one I wouldn’t want to dream without.
Children also don’t need the best of the best, the only thing they really need is LOVE and luckily our hearts are filled to the bar with that. In fact, for the first 3-4 years of their lives they get more excited about an empty toy box than the actual toys they were gifted with. They find more joy in a happy birthday song and candles than the big gift with balloons in plain view, or a large cake in front of them. They cherish a hug and kiss, some play time or a bubble bath with mommy more than anything else in the world. It’s what we raise them as that determines their path, what WE show them and teach them.They watch, they learn, and then they become.
Motherhood is everything but the irritation, exhaustion, hopelessness and a wish for better days you describe it as, motherhood is joyful, fun, and nothing brings me more hope and laughter than my boy. When you are a mother, every day is a better day, because every day is filled with the sound of giggles and laughter, silly chananigans and shows, endless hugs, cuddles and kisses. My boy is my stress relief – my quiet place, he is my hope, he is the driving force behind where I want to be. He gives my life a purpose, a meaning. Sure there are days where I get irritated, where I feel tired and exhausted and maybe even a little hopeless, but it never lasts long. When my boy sees a tear, he wipes it and then gives me a cuddle. When he sees that I’m having a hard day, he is silly, and goofy just to make me laugh and when I feel hopeless he grabs my face in his teen tiny hands, look me in they eyes and kisses me gently on my forehead. My life would be a life of irritation, exhaustion, hopelessness and a wish for better days WITHOUT him by my side.
I don’t care if you see me as a selfish parent, I’ll be selfish again and again and again if it meant having my boy in my life. See there are ways to live a more sustainable life, a lot of which we have implemented in our lives, but if it was not for our children, where would the world be in a 100 years anyways? There would be no world, because none of us, yes even you, will live forever and without a future generation there will be no future, regardless. Instead I will raise my child to be the change that you cant be – to be kind, and loving towards PEOPLE and the planet. I will raise my boy to be a future leader and rolemodel. What are YOU doing to help the planet dear girl! Aren’t you the one choosing a selfish life ?
The circle of life will always remain exactly that – a circle – and I have seen it one too many times. You raise your children until you reach a point where its your child’s turn to take care of you. Everyone gets old, but you choose whether you want to do it alone or not. Your career path, earthly belongings and money will eventually fade, but the laughter, joy and happiness that kids bring into your life could never fade away. I know my child, along with his cousins, are my parent’s greatest joy. I think the only thing better than being a parent, is being a grandparent and if you are truly blessed a great grandparent. They keep my mom and dad young and busy, they help lift the burdens of life and they have helped my grandpa fight through cancer, dementia and so much more, because children are not only miracles they bring forth miracles, because they truly believe anything is possible. I could never choose to grow old alone, my question is why would you want to choose such a lonely life?
My motherhood journey has been nothing like the journey you so confidently described in your post, in fact it has been quite the opposite. Your post is based on your own beliefs, assumptions and opinions, but is nowhere near accurate. The bad in life never steals the good. As a mother I have learned to see life from a different point of view, motherhood has taught me that it’s the small things that truly matter. See you could never understand what it means to be a mom, without actually being one – it truly is spectacular! I don’t need to convince you, I don’t want to convince you, all I want to say is I WANT to be a mom, I ENJOY being a mom, I LOVE my motherhood journey and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world.
PS: We have a dog as well.